Found

Last night, I dreamed I was desperately trying to unclog my toilet with a less than adequate plunger and the toilet continued to overflow over my bare feet. The water in it wasn't running, but it WAS rising. As I cried and put all my efforts into pushing the plunger up and down, a knock sounded on my bathroom door, which had been cracked open. It banged open and my ex was standing there staring at me.

My heart jumped in my chest and I said, "How did you find me?!"
He refused to answer.
I screamed, "Get out! Get out get out get out!" And I whacked the door shut on his nose. I heard him retreat so I opened the door and followed him to our front door, repeating the question, "How did you find me?" I never received an answer. I told him to never come here again.
My roommate, Jeremy, accused me of telling him where we lived but I hadn't. I went back into my bedroom and looked around at the life I had carefully rebuilt and thought "could he tell a man lives in here with me?"
I looked at my boyfriend and said, "I didn't tell him. I didn't tell him where we lived. I don't know how he found out."

Marrying A Friend and A Celebrity

Last night, I dreamed that my friend from high school, Stephanie, was gay, even though she's in a long-term, committed relationship with the father of her son. We were in a large room together and she told me she wanted to marry a woman, who was also an ordained minister. The conundrum was, her girlfriend couldn't marry them herself, because obviously that wouldn't be legal. So they asked me to do it, even though I am not ordained. I had been laying on blankets in this large room, which had bamboo and plants and other people around, though no one I knew.
Stephanie brought her girlfriend out to meet me...and it was Julia Roberts. Julia smiled at me and took my hand to lead me to a small podium in the center of the room. I had to step over other people laying on blankets as we walked.
I stood on the listeners' side of the podium while Stephanie and Julia stood on the speakers' and we all clasped hands. I repeated each line Julia spoke, who then repeated it back to me, while she looked at Stephanie.

And I married them.

I Committed Murder

Last night, I dreamed that I was playing a game, but it was deadly.  My team against theirs, and the goal was to survive.  We had grenades, shotguns, rifles, automatics... And we used them.  I knifed one guy, who was about to kill my teammate.  There was also a girl on the other team, but I liked her, as a person.  I didn't want to kill her.  So when I came across her, I just threw my gun at her.  She pointed her shotgun at me, and I said, "I could have killed you, but I didn't.  So run!"  And she ran, leaving me on my knees in the dirt. 
Sometime later, she joined up with us, and I was protecting her, when one of her teammates from the other side snuck up behind one of ours and was going to knife his throat.  I grabbed her sniper rifle, aimed down the sight and fired, blowing the guy backward.  They both collapsed onto the ground.  But my shot was poor, because the other guy sat back up, so, again, I aimed down the sight, and this time, I aimed for this forehead and fired.  And I killed him. 
He was the last kill and we stood around looking at each other when I realized we could be brought up on murder charges.  My teammates wanted me to get rid of my guns, but I was afraid to, because my fingerprints were all over them. 
I ended up throwing down the guns I had and running with them anyway.  As the sirens blared louder, coming closer to the arena.

A Giant Bug

Last night, I dreamed that I was living in my parents' old house in Chesapeake, Virginia and my friend Liz was over.  We discovered two large bugs that resembled stink bugs, but their backs had these knobby ridges on them and they were an iridescent pink and purple.  One was smaller than the other.  We were able to shoo the smaller one back outside, but faced quite a challenge with the large one, which was about 8" from nose to butt.  Liz managed to get it into a medium-sized box, and we tipped it sideways to see its underbelly.  It had pincers and then a row of sharp teeth, and it made motions with its pincers at us.  Liz closed the lid and we left the room for a few minutes.
When we came back to dispose of it, the lid was off of the box and the creature was gone.

I Was Fired

Last night, I dreamed that I was fired and the Monday after, I completely forgot and showed up for work anyway.  I stood in the hallway outside our office suite and couldn't find my access card.  My former boss and colleague just stood there, looking at me like I was crazy.  Then I remembered, as I was digging through my purse, that I didn't HAVE an access card any longer, so I stepped aside and let them in.  And I stood outside the doors, peering in through the glass to a world in which I no longer belonged.  The elevator doors opened behind me and I turned to look at them as I stood there, and I knew I had to get on them, and they'd carry me away from this place and I would never be coming back.

Offending A Friend

Last night, I dreamed I made inappropriate gay jokes in front of my friend, who is also gay.  As soon as the joke left my lips, I felt bad, and I kept stealing glances at him, wondering if he had overheard me, since we were with a group of people.  He had been offended by others before, so I was genuinely worried I had hurt his feelings.  He briefly paused in his conversation with someone else, and then turned to me and started talking about something else, completely happy.  I never was sure if he heard me and dismissed it, or never heard me at all.

The Death of Snails

Last night I dreamed that everyone was talking about how I was
unemployed. I was reassuring them to expect great things from me.
I also dreamed that I walked through an aquarium and as I passed the
small exhibits with the underwater snails, they began to die, one by
one, as I walked by, setting off alarms. Their dying bodies glowed.
I had been searching for a bathroom, so when I saw that happening, I
quickened my pace and continued looking. As I rounded the left bend
(it seemed to be a continuing left curve there) I saw the bathroom
sign and workers were running by me in the direction I had come to
save the dying snails. And I knew in some way, I had killed them.
I entered the bathroom, where two girls ahead of me were gossiping
about someone and sat down in a stall.

My Sister Hunted Dinosaurs

Last night, I dreamed that my sister Stefanie and I were riding horses when she wheeled off on her mount to go hunt the dinosaurs that roamed across the land. We were not close to any cities, and the hills reminded me of what I think Ireland would look like. The dinosaurs she sought were varied: the T-Rex, the now-debunked Brontosaurus from our childhood books, the Stegosaurus. I remember feeling fretful that she was endangering herself, and each time she’d leave, she’d be gone longer. But she was trying to keep us safe and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

Centipedes

Last night, I dreamed that a million centipedes descended on me from under and around my pillow while I was sleeping to attack me.

What Is Life Without Color?

A Chinese woman and man (married) were getting their eyes examined. They had been getting them examined for years, because the work they did made their vision poor over time. The doctors were trying to reverse the effects their work had had on their eyes, with operations (I think, but I’m not positive) and eye drops. They were unsuccessful with the man; he raged at them and the children (there were a dozen Chinese children in the facility) were very frightened of him. I found out that his work had negatively impacted him, and the gradual loss of his site was the repercussions of his terrible work, whatever it was. His work was Bad.

I watched the doctors (white, by the way) place eye drops into his wife’s eyes and she blinked. She could see! She stood up and the Chinese children swarmed her joyously and she wept with happiness as they crowded her and hugged her. I found out that she lost her site because of her work, but she was a seamstress, sewing clothes for children, so her work was Good. And that is why she received her site back. She asked why there was no artwork in the facility and I didn’t have the answer. The doctors just shrugged and said artwork was expensive. The facility was so cold and white…

So I got down on my hands and knees and said, “It’s so easy to create your own abstract art! Just grab some conte crayons and a blank sheet of drawing paper and begin coloring and smearing…Then take a matte black frame and place it over it and you have artwork for less than $10! What is life without color?!”

That is when my alarm woke me up, blaring through my brain.

__________

Yesterday, I had a caffeinated soda in the middle of the afternoon. I’m quite positive that is the reason for the vivid (literally) dream.

Body Hair

Last night I dreamed that I left my left armpit completely unshaven, thus it had grown out like a man’s. My right was completely smooth.

The American Legion Bridge

Last night, I dreamed that they were building townhouses that were attached to the sides of the American Legion Bridge, near the banks of the Potomac River, on both the Maryland and Virginia sides. And it was really messing up traffic with all the construction, and as I was driving across the bridge, I thought to myself, if the middle of the bridge collapsed, all the houses would come down, too.

My Aunt Died

Last night, I had a dream that my recently married cousin (who is probably my closest cousin, because we get along so well and are so much alike), was hanging out with me, when she nonchalantly turned to me and said “by the way, my mom died last night in a car accident.”  And then she turned back to whatever she was doing, as if it didn't matter, while I sat beside her, shell-shocked.

Austin Powers Is Sexy?

Last night, in my dream, I was chasing Austin Powers, because I WANTED him. I finally trapped him in a hotel room, and to give the room atmosphere, I started turning off the lights. But the lights were endless. Every time I thought I had the last one, I realized there was another I had missed. I finally gave up on the lights and seductively went to him in my negligée, where he appeared scared and nervous. There the dream ended.

*Note: I have not watched any of the Austin Powers movies in years.

Shattering Dishes

Last night, I dreamed that I was standing in the kitchen while my boyfriend did the dishes when all of a sudden, he turned and began raging at me. Then he began throwing plates and bowls and glasses at me as I stood in terror, while they shattered around my feet and all I could do was open my mouth in a silent scream.

*It’s important for me to note here that a couple of months ago I got out of a long-term mentally and occasionally physically abusive relationship, and I believe this dream was a projection of that. As my friend put it, my “past is haunting” me.*

Car Accident

Last night, I dreamt that I was winding down the twisty roads of West Virginia (not sure why WV, but whatever) in my banana yellow Celica. It began to gradually lose gravity and bounce, similar to how you would bounce on the moon. As it bounced higher and higher, I continued to lose control and flew off the road in mid-air towards the fir trees that are so prevalent in this part of the country (for the record, I live in northern Virginia). I was directly headed for one of those trees and I braced both hands on the steering wheel and pushed back, readying for impact. It should be noted here that the rest of this happened in slow motion. Bracing myself, I pushed back against the seat, and plowed into the tree. Glass shattered all around me. When the car came to a complete stop, I was fully reclined, as if the bracing and pushing and reclined it all the way back until I was laying down.

And then I walked away from the accident, without a scratch.

Birth

Last night, I dreamed I had a baby. But I birthed a baby that was the equivalent of an 8-month old. I brought him home from the hospital in a plastic grocery bag. Now the thing is, I tied the grocery bag shut with the handles (I do this in real life to keep things from spilling out when I’m driving home). I brought him home, set him down, bag and all in the living room and went to bed.
About a day passed and I kept thinking his name was Anthony, and I worried that my friend Carmen was going to be so pissed that i had named him that, because that’s HER baby’s name. Then I realized that I hadn’t heard a peep from the little one since I brought him home, and realized I didn’t have a crib or baby monitors, or ANYTHING. I rushed downstairs (Dennis and I were living in my old house in Virginia) and he was still in the bag, which was still tied shut. I ripped open the bag, and he was gasping for breath and his little heart was beating wildly. But I didn’t take him to the doctor, because I was afraid they would call the cops to come arrest me for child neglect.
Then I checked his hospital bracelet and remembered I didn’t name him Anthony afterall! I named him Theodore Jackson (I have no idea where that name is from). And I called him Teddy. I pressed Teddy to me so relieved, and his heart beat slowed to normal. I remember just loving that kid so much, and the last thing I remember is holding him up by his hands and teaching him to walk.
Then I woke up.

Brain Surgery

I dreamed I was having an autopsy/brain surgery. Dr. Hahn from Grey’s Anatomy was my surgeon and I was awake and laying face down while she peeled my scalp back from skull. She kept pouring ice cold water over my skull to rinse the blood and every time she did, I got a cold chill that went down my body. Afterwards, she sewed me up, and I asked my friend Liz, “Can you see the scar and stitches?” as I shook my LONG wavy hair at her.

I have short short hair. Weird.

My Parents Remarried

My mom and dad have been divorced for 22 years. My dad has been with his girlfriend for the same amount of time. They met shortly after my mom divorced him. Seriously, that’s true. So in my dream, my dad kicked Pat (his girlfriend, whom I just consider my stepmom, because they have been together for so long and I love her like my own mother) out of HER OWN house in Florida and my mom and him remarried. I was forced to go live with them in Pat’s house. WTF. I remember walking around and thinking, “this is so freakin’ weird. My parents are married. This is NOT natural.”

Death Comes For Me

I dreamed that I was driving the Celica and got into a bad accident. Now, mind you, I don’t remember the actual accident. I just remember seeing my car cracked up pretty badly. And the doctors checked me out and I was dead, but still alive. I was at my old house in Virginia, and I remember seeing the Celica all cracked up in the front yard. And I said to my mother, “Maybe I’m not dead. Maybe I’m just really sick.” And she cried and said, “No, Jenn, you really are dead. The doctor confirmed it.” And I cried.

I looked out our bay window and saw my neighbor Sarah walking across our yard with her head hung. She and I grew up together. She was carrying an envelope.

Then I went upstairs and said to the doctor, “Maybe I’m not dead. Maybe I’m just sick.” And he disagreed and said I was indeed dead. Then he said, “Hold out your arm. See how it’s turning gray? That’s what happens when you die. Your skin turns gray.” And I remember looking at it turning gray and I cried.

Then I was in an underground parking garage, looking at my Celica (weirdly, I think the parking garage was under my house, even though there are no basements in my hometown) and as I was winding my way down the ramp, there were other people there, too. And I kept seeing a tall, thin black man in a long black trench coat. Everywhere I turned, there he was, just strolling along. Never looking at me, just happened to be everywhere I was. And I knew he was Death and he was coming to claim me from this world. And as I looked at the Celica, I ran across a MLB player…someone famous. I don’t know who, but I remember that I recognized him as someone famous in my dream. And he had some paper in his hand, and when he handed it to me, he said, “It’s a transcript of your life,” and showed me where he and I were conversing before I crashed my car.

As I read down the transcript, the last dialogue said, “And it’s a shame you won’t be alive to see-” and that’s where the accident occurred. I realized it was him I had had the conversation with, and he knew before the accident that I was going to die.

The I woke up. In tears. Thinking I really was dead, and that my current life was nothing but the dream of a dead person.